Shit Nifty Smut Says

i have never seen someone take a decent (or even potentially good) premise and ruin it so quickly.

Where am I? What happened to my parents? "Edward I'm a vampire and so are you now." What are you saying Carlisle.

yes what ARE you saying carlisle

are you saying

your spunk

turned me into a bloodsucker

but we never find out, because that’s the end.

Put his dick in my ass and I felt his load deep in me, that's when he said "don't worry my dearest Edward we will be together forever now. The burning sensation took over my body the last thing I remembered was Carlisle taking me then I passed out.

hang on was vampire semen a thing that could turn people

i

dont think it is

All these was new to me I was in heaven, I felt him breathing harder and harder then his cock was in my ass fuck I screamed it was so fucking huge I loved it he started getting into it then that's when he pulled me up so I was riding him our faces met his eyes were changing color but I ignored it that cock was just taking control of me.

just

just take a look at that “sentence” for me, please

look at it

get lost in it

just roll around in that great big run-on for a while

I pulled down his pants and I just heard a "flop" and what I saw made my mouth water.

FLOP

so carlisle shows up to save edward from the dudes attacking him (who moments earlier had been asking about his price, so why are they attacking him?)

As I saw one guy swing a punch someone jumped in and saved my life he stopped all the guys from hurting me in a blink of an eye.

ok

I was getting horny then I realized he was staring at me.

o…… k……………….

"So what's your name boy" my name is Edward thank you for saving my life.

wait what is

I looked up he was a fucking god His skin is "like marble"—very pale, ice cold, blond hair and honey eyes.

going on

He was getting closer and closer to me so what's my savior name anyway, "its Carlisle" so what can I do to repay you Carlisle.

and with the introduction of “dialogue,” this fic quickly disintegrates into unintelligible nonsense.

seriously has this person ever seen what dialogue looks like

big, fat, veiny, long, and uncut with balls that hanged to my chin

did i mention this author really likes describing dicks

also, they hang to his chin from where, exactly? standing, kneeling? is this person a giant?

"Hey there sweet thing I hear calling me what's the price." Shit I didn't even think of the price fuck I don't want to be cheap or expensive.

funny, i don’t remember edward being such a potty mouth.

although i don’t remember him being a gay prostitute either.

My name is Edward Anthony Masen, I'm seventeen years old and it's the year 1918 and everywhere I look there's death everybody's dying and getting sick. 

what exactly is the context here? is edward writing in a diary or something? or does he often just introduce himself to himself while thinking? 

he also thinks in run-ons, apparently.

Even my own parents are sick, we don't have lots of money but I don't know what to do. We can't afford a doctor, I'm desperate for money I'm willing to do anything for it even sell my body.

despite the grammar here, this is actually sort of tragic - 

Well let me tell you this I am gay and love taking big dicks in my ass, I've only taken one dick in my life and that was my school teacher's cock.

oh, nope, nevermind. it’s significantly harder to feel sorry for someone once they start talking about how much they enjoy men’s genitals.

the author gives us a little preface to help us understand the context for this story.

This is sort of a prologue to how Edward becomes a vampire and how he meets Carlisle.

well alright, that actually sounds sort of interesting. i’m not exactly a twilight fan, but i’ve read the first three books and this seems like a pretty good premise.

so uh

if this is what this fic is about

why is it titled “twilight sluts”

p.s. this fic has lots of slurs (slut shaming, slurs regarding sexual orientation, etc.) so don’t read it if those trigger you.

i won’t be posting any quotes with slurs on here.